Christmas Love

From Sworn to Secrecy:

Each December, I vowed to make Christmas a calm and peaceful  experience. I had cut back on nonessential obligations — extensive card writing,  endless baking, decorating, and even overspending. Yet still, I found myself exhausted,unable to appreciate the precious family moments, and of course, the true meaning of Christmas.

  
 My son, Nicholas, was in kindergarten that year. It was an exciting season
 for a six-year-old. For weeks, he’d been memorizing songs for his school’s “Winter Pageant.”
  
 I didn’t have the heart to tell him I’d be working the night of the production. 
 Unwilling to miss his shining moment, I spoke with his teacher. She assured
 me there’d be a dress rehearsal the morning of the presentation. All parents
 unable to attend that evening were welcome to come then. Fortunately, Nicholas
 seemed happy with the compromise.
 

So, the morning of the dress rehearsal, I filed in ten minutes early, found a spot on the cafeteria floor and sat down. Around the room, I saw several other parents quietly scampering to their seats. As I waited, the students were led into the room. Each class, accompanied by their teacher, sat cross-legged on the floor. Then, each group, one by one, rose to perform their song.
 

Because the public school system had long stopped referring to the holiday
as Christmas,” I didn’t expect anything other than fun, commercial entertainment - songs of reindeer, Santa Claus, snowflakes and good cheer. So, when my son’s class rose to sing, “Christmas Love,” I was slightly taken aback by its bold title. Nicholas was aglow, as were all of his classmates, adorned in fuzzy mittens,red sweaters, and bright snowcaps upon their heads. Those in the front row-center stage — held up large letters, one by one, to spell out the title of the song.  As the class would sing “C is for Christmas,” a child would hold up the letter C. Then, “H is for Happy,” and on and on, until each child holding up hisportion had presented the complete message, “Christmas Love.”

The performance was going smoothly, until suddenly, we noticed her; a small, quiet, girl in the front row holding the letter “M” upside down — totally unaware her letter “M” appeared as a “W.”  The audience of 1st through 6th graders snickered at this little one’s mistake.  But she had no idea they were laughing at her,so she stood tall, proudly holding her “W.” Although many teachers tried to shush the children, the laughter continued until the last letter was raised, and we all saw it together. A hush came over the audience and eyes began to widen. In that instant, we understood the reason we were there, why we celebrated the holiday in the first place,
why even in the chaos, there was a purpose for our festivities. 

For when the last letter was held high, the message read loud and clear:

“C H R I S T W A S L O V E” 

And, I believe, He still is.

Amazed in His presence…
Humbled by His love.

May each of you have a Merry Christmas as you reflect on His Amazing Love for us…

Have a blessed day!   Happy Birthday, Jesus !!!!!!

Love Don't Cost a Thing

The following post was written by Lindsay at the wonderful blog, Confessions of a Love Addict:

For whatever reason, since the time I was a little girl, I’ve had a knack for people giving me things for free. In fact, my mom always says “People are drawn to you and want to give you whatever you want. You’re the Queen of Free!”

Maybe that’s true, or maybe I’m just lucky? Nevertheless, growing up, I’d walk into a store with my family and some employee or owner would hand me a stuffed animal, just because. As I got older, I was freely awarded with half-off dinner for no reason, free goods, and of course, once I was legal – free drinks.

And, being a journalist – I’m constantly sent different items to review for coverage. From high-end beauty products and at-home soda making machines to office supplies and my personal favorite – attendance at some expensive, snazzy events that I wouldn’t be able to go to otherwise, one of the reasons we accept being severely underpaid is for the perks.

Recently, to celebrate my royalties, a new great friend of mine, C, and I went to a fundraiser benefit for an animal shelter. Their marketing was excellent: free booze and puppies to greet you at the door. I mean, what woman couldn’t say no to that? (Or man for the matter?)

We arrive in the meatpacking district, decked out in heels and sparkle – and to our incredible surprise, we ordered a glass of Merlot and within seconds, an adorable puppy was in our hands. Needless to say, we were both in alcohol andadorable- induced heaven.

An hour later when the puppies reached their bedtime, they cranked up themusic, and introduced a dance floor for the rest of the four-hour open bar. C and I did our rounds around the club, chatted with men from all over the world – which included South Africa, Detroit, Spain, and Rochester. We danced the night away with an array of talented dudes, including someone I’d like to call Mr. Moves, who while is far from my type, was thoroughly entertaining for the evening. We snapped pictures that even landed on a local New York website and consumed just enough wine to keep us warm and giggly.

As the evening came to a close, around two in the morning, we hobbled out of the club into the cold rain – and as expected, I sniffed some great smelling food coming from a food vendor and I managed to get a group of guys to buy both C and I munchies before we caught the train home. I believe we blew them a kiss as we disappeared into the New York night.

On the way back to my apartment, where my bed was calling my name (and a lovely air mattress for C) – I found myself singing on the train, happily satisfied with the evening I had, and more than ready to have an easy night’s rest.

The next day, after C and I laughed endlessly about the fun event, recounted stories, and appropriately downed orange juice and Advil – I thought about howso much of what I love the most…is free.

Sure, I may be given tangible things, like tickets to events, products, and food – but nothing compares to shakin’ it with a good friend or being able to laugh like little girls into the night because the Merlot made you feel merry. Or the feeling when I’m walking through the city, knowing that a moment’s notice – I could be in Rockefeller Center, Times Square, Central Park, the West Village, or Soho.

And admittedly, when Mr. Possibility kisses the side of my head as we walk (not hand-in-hand) through little shops and pop-up craft fairs. Even though we desire it so much, hope that it is meant for us, and feel like it cost us everything if we lose it – J.Lo is right, love don’t cost a thing. Not just romantically-inclined love, but the love you have between girlfriends, between your family members, between your city and yourself. And though we worry about giving our love away freely – there is no other way to present it.

While receiving goodies for free always makes my day (having a package in front of my door still excites me like a child) – what makes it even more is feeling that immense love in my soul. Feeling my heart swell up with so much cheerfulness, so much thanksgiving, so much wonder – that no material thing on this Earth could compare.

Being the Queen of Free is fine by me, but I think I’d rather call myself the Queen of Love, who has the freedom to love everything around her, man or no man, Dior or no Dior – and still be absolutely happy.

What the web needs now is Love, Sweet Love

Here is an interesting post written by Dan Zambonini:

If you spend a lot of time online, it’s easy to become disillusioned and bitter. You only have to start reading the comments on a Techcrunch article to think that everyone on the planet is an angry, opinionated buffoon. The web is a mess of criticism and negativity with everyone vying for their little patch of virtual turf.

To counter this situation, I thought I’d write a positive post that extols the virtues of a couple of people who deserve praise.

This isn’t a puff-piece though; by interacting with these people even indirectly, I’ve noticed a common pattern that I’ve learned from. That lesson is: be open, be encouraging, and do everything you can to help other people be great. I’m the least spiritual person on the planet (now that George Carlin is sadly no longer with us), but it does seem like there’s some virtual karma that comes back tenfold to those who treat others well, even at possible detriment to themselves.

My goal is to behave more like these people.

Kristina Halvorson

Kristina is arguably the world leader in Content Strategy, having written the industry standard book on the subject. Her content strategy agency, Brain Traffic, is established and well respected. As one of the original leaders of the ‘content strategy movement’, she has every right – and reason – to lay down the law and promote her agency as the only authentic option.

But she doesn’t. Kristina doesn’t spend all day protecting her throne and undermining the competition. She does the exact opposite.

In May 2010, Amy and I set up a content strategy agency: Contentini. We’ve both been working on-and-off around the subject for over a decade, so it felt like a natural fit. Even so, we felt a little like we were ‘jumping on the bandwagon’ of the trendy content strategy term, and probably deserved a little fun-poking from the establishment.

Over the last six months, Kristina has done nothing but encourage us with thoughtful comments on some of our blog posts and in the occasional tweet to her followers. These aren’t just re-tweets, but come with accompanying comments like, “The best article on the subject”. We’ve never met, and she stands to gain nothing from highlighting the work of a potential competitor, but she’s been collegial and encouraging with consistency and consideration.

And it’s not just us; when necessary she defends her subject matter, colleagues and competitors on negative blog posts, and acts more like an ambassador than a consultant.

But this is what makes her the best in her profession: she does what is best for the whole, not for the individual. She is nourishing and growing a community and a discipline rather than focusing on her personal image. This makes her a real leader.

Gary Vaynerchuck

Gary has made his name by being a brash, loud video blogger – who also happens to have built some very successful companies. On the surface, he is something of a dichotomy: opinionated, fast-talking and self-assured, yet cautious and careful to reply individually to his thousands of social media fans and followers. There aren’t many who can successfully pull off the fast-paced plus meticulous combination like Gary does.

Having watched his boisterous video blog, it was with some trepidation that Amy and I met with him last year, as part of an iPhone project we were working on. True to his ‘hustle’, he had been working late into the evening, and we eventually met in his office around 8:30 or 9pm. I think we were both expecting a quick “Oh, hi, it’s really late – thanks for dropping by, I’ve got to get home.”

It turns out that he couldn’t have been more courteous or attentive. He graciously welcomed us and, for someone who makes his living through social media, surprisingly closed his laptop immediately. It was obvious from the environment that he had a lot going on, but not once did he imply that he was at all pressed for time or that he had somewhere else to be – in fact, the opposite. He not only gave us his full attention, but repeatedly asked us what else he could do for us. If we hadn’t known any better, it would have been easy to believe that we were the most important people to him and his business during those 30 minutes or so that we talked with him.

Perhaps this doesn’t sound particularly special to you – a business acquaintance treating you with respect – but the point is that, like Kristina, Gary has reached a position where he really doesn’t need to, and a more selfish person (some would mistakenly call this ‘astute’) may have spent the same time on more self-aggrandizing tasks.

Before I met him, I thought that Gary had achieved success through confidence, hard work and self-promotion. That is a large part of it, but now I realize that it’s subtler than that, and must also be attributed to his respect and decency for others, no matter what their ‘status’ or business potential.

In Summary

As we spend more time online, it becomes easy to think that open criticism and ego-fueled commentary are not only acceptable, but are the new way of conducting business. My goal is to try to filter this out, and instead focus on – and learn from – those who are successful because of how they’ve supported their community, not because they’ve publicly ruined the competition.

What the Web Needs Now is Love, Sweet Love.

There is Only Love

The following was written by Gretchen Rubin of the Happiness Project:

One question I get a lot is, “So you’ve been doing this Happiness Project. Are you actually happier?”

The answer is YES. But that doesn’t mean that I’m happy all the time, or that I’ve reformed all my bad habits that make me unhappy.

For example, yesterday, I lost my temper with the Big Man. Spectacularly.

I was furious at him. My anger wasn’t about anything interesting (it never is), but the root cause was my feeling that he wasn’t being helpful enough on a major family project, and even worse, he wasn’t appreciative enough of what I was doing.

Those cursed gold stars! I crave them, I demand them!

I’d been feeling slightly annoyed for a few hours, and when the storm broke, I ran through all the classic lines that you’re not supposed to say during a fight:

“You always…”
“You never…”
“For once, why can’t you…?”
“I just don’t understand why…”

I made the gesture that I’ve recently realized is my “tell” for anger – rubbing the heels of my palms against my eyes. I think I may actually have stamped my foot.

The Big Man didn’t get angry in response. He never does. In a way, this is good, because it takes two to fight. In a way, this is bad, because his calm makes me feel like he’s just standing there, waiting for me to finish. Also, the minute I stop feeling furious, I start feeling guilty – which, of course, I also blame on him. If I’m not careful, my feelings of remorse reignite my anger…

It’s not a very productive cycle.

My Happiness Project didn’t keep me from losing my temper. But it did change how I reacted after I’d lost my temper.

As I was winding down my outburst, my catchwords and Twelve Commandments started flashing in my mind: “Let it go,” “I love him, just as he is,” “No calculation.”

I remembered the phenomenon of “unconscious overclaiming,” in which we unconsciously overestimate our contributions relative to other people’s. For example, in one study, when students in a work group each estimated their contribution to the team, the total was 139 percent.

It occurred to me that while I was angry at the Big Man for not being grateful for what I was doing, did I tell him how much I appreciated his dealing with all the vacation logistical details? Nope.

The most helpful thing I remembered was to “Lighten up.” I made a joke, I let the tension dissipate, I gave him a long hug – because I happen to know that you should hold your hug for at least six seconds to optimize the flow of mood-boosting chemicals like oxytocin and serotonin.

So although my Happiness-Project work didn’t allow me to avert my outburst, I did manage to recover much more quickly. I’m hoping that if I keep working on myself, I’ll be able to avoid the outburst altogether.

Many people believe in the “catharsis hypothesis” and think that expressing anger is healthy-minded and relieves feelings. Not so. Studies demonstrate that expressing anger only AGGRAVATES it.

This is sure true for me. When I allow myself to fly into a fury, I end up feeling much angrier, and much worse (and so does the Big Man). When I manage to stay calm, my feelings remain milder.

Once again, I realize that the secret is to live according to my Twelfth Commandment: “There is only love.” So hard, but it’s the way to happiness.